these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
