I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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