garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
