dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter