help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas