my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS