I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.