this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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