pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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