"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
