i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
