Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
