i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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