At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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