I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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