recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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