my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
