i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize