i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
