why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
