Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
