It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
