I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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