Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
