no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
