I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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