Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
