Nicole vs. Life
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A bitchslap is in order.
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