Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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