Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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