I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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