I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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