I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
