my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My ATM looks so different sober.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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