It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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