Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
