Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
