you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
