Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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