How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
