Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
