Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
