I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this just has baby written all over it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
