college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
