so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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