I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
