i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
