When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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