Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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