Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
