Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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