...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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