So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
