Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
