I should be sponsored by Trojan
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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