The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
