after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize