He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
