at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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