addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
soo... how was my night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
